Saturday, November 28, 2009


If you've ever read a line from this amazingly witty, hilarious blog; then you've noticed how much I adore awkward moments. Well, not sure how much I adore them, but certainly, I attract them.

As we wrap up the lovely Thanksgiving Holiday, I would be remiss if I failed to share some of my newest but still awesomely awkward moments.

1. Pedicure Boob Touchage: Otherwise known as PBT

Either my pedicure technicians are secret lesbians or NONE of them have mastered how to reel in their boobs when performing a pedicure. Imagine this. I'm relaxing enjoying my pedicure and the tech is busy doing her thing. Somehow, this really AWKWARD moment happens where the tech bends down and her boob grazes my toes/feet. It not only happens quickly and once, but this touch can occur multiple times during one pedicure session.

I instantly feel awkward and bend my toes over in a protective position.

The techs never seem to notice this boob graze nor do they seem to care. I've never been one to generalize or stereotype; but I do believe these women all want me.

What other reason would explain their frequent accidental touches?

2. Grandmother and her handbag

This wont be a long entry. However, my Grandmother is a very interesting woman. She's been known to rock a pair of very large framed Gucci frames while wearing red biker shorts with a hospital scrub top. Oh, and she has blondish hair. Wait, one more thing. She has a long Lincoln.

Well, this Thanksgiving, she didn't fail to give me a hearty dosage of her fashion style. I happen to look over at her purse and notice that it's covered in vibrant hot summer hues; pink, lime, and neon blue.

I look a tad more and notice that it's a Dereon handbag.

Yes, Dereon.

Okay, for those not in the loop and don't feel bad if you aren't. Consider yourself lucky if you have no inkling of Dereon. However, Beyonce and her mother created a fashion line, House of Dereon. It was intended to be a couture esque line found at department stores. ick, might I add.

As much as I love Beyonce, there is nothing couture esque or even fashion esque about that Ross/Marshall's destined lined.

Anyway, Dereon is the junior based line of House of Dereon. Dereon is for the middle and high school aged buyer.

So, back to Grandmother. Yes, she had a Dereon handbag.

If there's anything worse than having a House of Dereon article of clothing, it would be having a Dereon article of clothing. Especially, if you're 70+ and have a summer hued junior's handbag.


3. Oprah talking over her guests

Okay, let me preface this entry by delicately reminding people how much I love Oprah. I've gotten into some very heated arguments with dear friends and family regarding Oprah. Now, I don't give her a God Like Status; but I do think she's uber fabulous. I wont turn this into an Oprah Obsessed entry.

However, needless to say, I think Oprah has done more good for this world than bad.

There is one thing that Oprah has always been guilty of that drives me batty.

Lately, as she's gotten older and richer, this thing has become more frequent and more awkward.

The awkwardness has spilled into a number of interviews; the most recent with Sarah Palin.

Now, I'm not a Sarah Palin fan, politically. However, Oprah did invite the woman on her show.

She invites her on the show; then proceeds to cut her off many times and talk all over her.

I don't think Oprah had to work hard to make Sarah Palin sound like an idiot, she should have just let her do her own thing. But no, Oprah would get all serious and deepen her voice. In the baritone tone, she would question her and say things like, "but in the book, you mention that you thought how easy it would be to not have the baby." Oprah, we get it. The woman considered abortion for a split second. People consider many things for a split second and have the right to rethink those considerations.

I get where Oprah was going, but it was just all kinds of awkward. That deep voice that she gets talking over people, not letting them finish their sentences.