Don't judge me.
Thou shall not judge.
Who are you to judge?
Well, I'll tell you this...
Don't give me a reason to judge you.. and I wont.
I will judge you if you are crazy.
And finally. I'll tell you who I am... I'm NOT crazy... You, Sir/Mam; you are crazy.
As we move into 2010, and you foolishly attempt to create a resolution(s), I will graciously share this info with you. You can add these items to your handy dandy resolution/To Do or Not To Do List.
This is my public decree: If I witness, see or experience any of the following; I am allowed to judge.
1. If you have jherri curl, perm(on non Blacks), hairstyle like Kate of Jon&Kate fame, french roll, or I can judge. (I have seen people walking around with full fledged jheri curls in 2009; the later part of 2009 too)
2. If you have a mini van, I can judge. Don't give me the crap about families. They make Tahoes for that reason.
3. Camaros, Grand-Ams, Mustangs: If you own or plan to own any of these-JUDGEMENT. I hate everything about each of these cars. The mustang is probably the least offensive. But all of these reek of Tomball.
4. If you use your Facebook/Twitter as a tool for displaying your gross income, clothing inventory, or other method for bragging in a soulful fashion, I WILL JUDGE. So, you better come hard... And by hard, I mean Buffet. Warren Buffet that is.
5. If you don't get my humor and take yourself too serious, then JUDGEMENT FOR YOU.
6. If you are single and like to constantly judge married couple's relationships, then I am judging every ounce of you. That should be a law or something. Like Murder 1. Single people should not judge marriages. They just shouldn't. AT ALL. Well, I don't think non parents should judge parents.
7. If you tell me that you have auditioned for America's Top Model, I can do nothing but judge you. You better be a mini Giselle.
8. If you tell me that you don't have time for TV, or don't watch TV, or any other condescending comment about TV, I will judge you unless you are a well read, New York Times reading, Malcolm Gladwell quoting, Constitution Expert, "This American Life" listening to, gourmet cooking fool. I know that's a lot. But, hey...
9. If you are homophobic, but you have premarital sex, lie, just miss the mark in life generally; I AM FULL OF JUDGEMENT.
10. If you don't tell all of your friend's that this is the funniest blog, then... Okay, okay, that was a whack one.
11. If you have a cat, I am so sorry. You deserve every piece of judgement that I can muster up.